Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Really now with the judgements? Really?

As a stay at home mom new to the area I live in and not religious, there are limited ways to meet new people.

The thing that as been most successful is While I was still pregnant I joined a pregnancy group and then got involved with a "new moms" group after Lorelei was born. One thing I have found striking is the immediate judgments I have experienced when getting to know someone new.

I meet someone at a playdate after being told by a friend that we will probably get along well, and the entire time we are spending time together I felt as if I was under a microscope. I've already got a boyfriend, I'm not looking to date who I am meeting... hello, I'm just looking for moms to hang out with so me and my little girl can have some daytime company. Two times the person I met up with has dissappeared after the playdate without so much as a "nice to meet you" after drilling me with wierd questions for an hour or so.

Now don't get me wrong, I have met some wonderful women too, but I am amazed to see people writing off others after only knowing them an hour, and the way that I have been bombarded with questions I was apparently being judged on.

Some of the people I have met that ended up being friends are people who I probably would have written off if I questioned them that way upon first meeting. For example, I think breastfeeding is super important and every mom should at least try, had a home birth and think that is the way to go if you are low risk, feel strongly about recycling, and love cats... yet I count as friends women who got the epidural at the hospital the second they could, never tried to breastfeed, don't recycle even though it is offered in their neighborhoods and ... well, no one has expressed a dislike of cats but even if they hated them I'd deal. I wish those people who felt inclined to evaluate people as soon as they met them just relaxed and enjoyed other people's company.

I guess what I'm trying to say is the differences are what keeps things interesting ... and having too many friends of the same opinions as you make for a narrow range of experiences and viewpoints.


  1. i hope our little chickens get to meet :)

    you had a homebirth? who was your midwife?

  2. my midwife was Mary Barnet

    (i'm never sure about the replying to comments thing... on your blog or my own? How do you know I replied? er.. am i over complicating comments in my head?)

  3. *hugs* Just remember, that all those people who immediately (or after an hour of weirdness) decide not to be your friend are the ones losing out.

  4. I'd never judge you!

    And I KNOW you will find a true friend. Hang in there! It's tough being a new mom.

    But it will work out.

  5. we'll have to swap homebirth stories!

    (just found your comment reply...)